I am so excited about today’s episode because we are talking all about how to manifest love into your life!
Whether you are in a relationship or not, this episode applies to you! I have used these methods in my own relationship and I have been in a committed relationship for almost 10 years now and happily married to whom I like to consider my soulmate.
Every relationship has it’s struggles and every day is a new opportunity to continue to improve and strengthen that relationship.
This episode is also going to be talking about how you can attract your ideal partner into your life. So if you are ready to manifest love into your life, then let’s dive in!
How To Manifest Love
Clarify your ideal relationship and love values
Before you can start manifesting love, you need to clarify what your ideal relationship looks like.
Do you want someone who is active? Or someone who is more laid back and stays home? Do you want someone who is calm and emotionally nurturing? Whatever your ideal person looks like and acts like you need to write that out and get clear on your ideal partner.
Once you have the vision of your ideal partner then you need to also figure out what love means to you. What are your values when it comes to love? Is it Someone who is faithful, loving, caring and values family? Or is it important for your person to work hard and be independent? Maybe you would rather someone who stays home and takes care of the home and kids. Everyone has different values when it comes to love and relationships and there is no right or wrong, but without really figuring out what your values are, you won’t be able to clearly manifest the love you truly desire.
Take out your journal and write down what your ideal values in a relationship look like.
“My partner loves their family, my partner loves to spend quality time with me, my partner loves to go on adventures, my partner is hard working but always makes time for the ones they love.”
That’s just an example of ways to write out the values you want in your partner. You can get into looks too if you are trying to manifest a new relationship, but in my opinion it’s the values that you really want to be particular about.
If you are already in a relationship and there are some qualities or values you are trying to strengthen within your relationship then you can write those out too.
Once you have your values set and you know the exact kind of love you are trying to attract into your life, then you need to start showing up everyday as if you already have this love in your life.
Attracting the love you desire
Let’s say you want to find a partner who loves to go on adventures and doesn’t like to drink or party all the time…well then you need to make sure your own habits are matching that.
You don’t want to go out to bars and clubs looking for this person because chances are if this person is out at a bar or club then they are probably big into drinking and partying. Not always, but the point is you need to start doing things that reflect the ideal partner you are trying to manifest.
If you want a partner that’s into fitness then start going to the gym and doing healthy activities too.
For those of you who are in a relationship and you want to improve or strengthen the relationship you currently have, then here is an example from my own personal life.
My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years now and when you have been in a relationship for a while it’s easy for things to start feeling like a routine. You can also easily get stuck in patterns. This happened to us.
We would get into this routine that didn’t make our relationship feel fun and spontaneous anymore. I knew I wanted to fix this. We also had un-healthy habits that became part of this routine like; not eating healthy, going to bed extremely late, and smoking weed all the time. Nothing against anyone who does this, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted for us anymore. I could feel us slipping into an un-healthy lifestyle.
One day I decided to sit down reflect on our relationship habits. I said to myself, you know I really want to change the way this relationship is going, it’s time for some spontaneity.
So I sat down and I wrote out everything I wanted to change, but I wrote it in the present tense (as if it already did change)
“I have a relationship that is spontaneous.”
“I have a relationship where we go to bed together by midnight.”
“I have a relationship where we spend quality time with each other daily and take spontaneous trips”
“I have a relationship that’s filled with healthy habits”
And so on…
Once I did this, I started showing up every day as if this was the way my relationship already is. In order to see the manifestation happen, you need to do the work too.
That’s when I decided to stop my bad habits. I started to get more spontaneous. I suggested we go on spontaneous day trips and spend more quality time together. As I started to make these shifts, it was a trickle affect and he started to cut back on his bad habits too.
It’s not all the way there yet, but every day is more progress than the last.
When you show up everyday as if you are living out that relationship you want, your vibration will match the vibration of the ideal relationship you desire and you will attract and manifest that relationship into your life.
The importance of healing
There’s a lot that can hold you back from manifesting the love you desire and you may not even recognize it. Whether that’s limiting beliefs, low self worth or unhealed trauma.
In order to manifest the love you want, you need to believe you are worthy of that love and this can be hard for a lot of us who were hurt in the past or have unhealed wounds. I didn’t realize that my unhealed wounds were actually getting in the way of my current relationship.
I have dealt with a lot of rejection and abandonment from previous relationships which stems back to my childhood and my relationship with my dad.
What I realized is that this cycle continued to repeat itself until I finally recognized that I had a wound to heal. It was because of these past relationships that I have a huge fear of rejection. I also had a fear of vocalizing what I need in a relationship because in past relationships any time I would open up emotionally I wouldn’t receive the emotional support. They would make me feel as if I was being dramatic, or that the way I was feeling was wrong. This made me more emotionally detached than I recognized.
I lacked a lot of confidence which made it hard for me to get out of my comfort zone and make the first moves or really put myself out there in my relationship, even after almost 10 years.
It wasn’t because of him, but it was because of me not loving myself enough to have the confidence to make our relationship more spontaneous by being confident and making bold first moves because I had such a strong fear of rejection.
Being able to recognize these internal struggles allowed me to start fixing these issues and finally let go of the fear I have surrounding these wounds so I can show up as a more confident version of myself in the relationship. This allows me to help manifest the relationship that I desire to have with my husband.
It’s not easy working through limiting beliefs, self doubt and inner child wounds.
Another thing to recognize is that often times our relationships are going to mirror our unhealed wounds to us until we finally recognize the part of us that needs to be healed. Even though you may want to make adjustments in current relationships, you need to make sure that it is a healthy relationship and that you aren’t settling for less than you deserve.
Working through fear of abandonment and rejection
As a child I felt rejected and abandoned by my dad. Our relationship struggled for a while which is something I touch on in this previous episode here.
Because I didn’t heal this part of me, I ended up attracting relationships that reflected these wounds. There are 2 relationships in particular that really mirrored these wounds to me.
My freshman year of high school I met this boy who was 2 grades above me. As a child I never really knew what love looked like because my parents were always fighting, never slept in the same bed, and never showed any intimacy whether it be a kiss or holding hands. I didn’t get the emotional support either so when it came to relationships of my own, they usually reflected this too. My relationships lacked a lot of emotions or I attracted guys who just weren’t emotionally available.
This boyfriend of mine at the time was very emotionally unavailable. He wasn’t really affectionate. We talked, but not that much and if we did it was usually through instant messenger. Our time together was usually spent going down to the dam and I would sit in the car while he smoked with his friends.
He would always talk to me about his best friend at the time, we’ll call him Rob. He loved Rob and was always concerned about his friendship with Rob. If Rob was mad at him he would run to me all upset. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
One day we were at a party and he was wasted. At this point I was a virgin. I remember him coming up to me slurring his words and barely being able to stand up straight. He looked at me and said “I love you Beth.” Beth was my best friend at the time who was dating Rob.
I was taken back by his comment and he continued to grab me as he pushed me on the bed to try and make his moves, but I pushed him off of me and said no. As I got up to walk away he grabbed me by the arm and gave me a push and I lost my balance. He continued to call me degrading names because I didn’t want to sleep with him while he was drunk and saying he loved my best friend.
In this moment as I look back I really should have left him then, but I didn’t… and it wasn’t because I loved him, it was because I didn’t love myself. There was something inside of me begging for someone to love me and I didn’t know what it was like to really feel emotionally loved, so I constantly looked for it in all the wrong places.
I continued the relationship and it didn’t get better, but I stayed.
We were finally alone and sober when we tried to sleep together, but it didn’t happen. He got frustrated that he couldn’t make it happen and I thought it was because I wasn’t attractive or that I couldn’t turn him on. I internalized that and made it about me. Thinking things like “I must not be pretty enough, what is wrong with me?” In this moment I felt very rejected, but I still stayed.
I never vocalized my feelings at any point of this relationship either because at the time I was always afraid of speaking up about how I felt. I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that my feelings are usually wrong and that they were going to upset someone so I just kept them to myself.
Shortly after, he finally broke up with me and he said “it’s not you, it’s me.” I just thought, sure that’s what all guys say isn’t it?
It wasn’t until a little while after that I found out he was actually into guys and not girls.
It all made sense now as I look back at that relationship. I was so proud of him for getting the courage to be honest with himself because I can only imagine it’s not always easy. I am someone who supports love is love, there is no judgement from me. I want everyone to love who they want to love no matter what, but that doesn’t change the fact that the relationship we had still hurt me.
The unfortunate part was that kids in high school aren’t always the kindest. There was a lot that got to me when this all unfolded. People would say awful things and would tell me that it was because of me that he ended up liking guys.
It was a pretty rough time and I can only imagine how he was feeling too.
I felt very rejected and mistreated in that relationship. As I look back I can see that he was probably hurting too. That doesn’t excuse the times he said horrible things to me or acted out in ways that were hurtful, but he had his own internal struggles that he was fighting just like I had mine. I probably mirrored his own unhealed wounds just like he mirrored mine to me.
Every one of us has our own trauma and issues that we are working through. The truth is, hurt people, hurt people. Which is why if you want to manifest love into your life, you need to heal first.
Yes, he didn’t show me love the way I wanted him to, but I think the part that hurts the most is knowing that at the time, I didn’t even love myself. It was hard to deal with all of my emotions from that relationship and I didn’t take the time to really heal because at 16 I was dealing with more than just relationship problems.
There was a lot going on in my life and I didn’t have anyone in my life to be there for me emotionally. Most of the time I felt like I was going through it all alone and had to figure it out myself, so I was confused.
My relationships continued to hurt me more. The next boy I thought I loved ended up hurting me worse. He took my virginity and never spoke to me again. That was definitely poking at my unhealed wound around fear of abandonment.
As I finally started to take a step back from dating, it was like the right person crossed my path. My current partner. I was 17 when I met him through a mutual friend at the time. She ended up setting us up because at the time she was dating one of his best friends.
When I met my current partner it was during a really rough point in my life. I finally started realizing the patterns when it came to my love life and I knew I had to take my time to really build that trust and let down my walls. He had been hurt in the past too. When we met each other I think we both were trying to heal and find a love that was real.
I truly believe the universe finally noticed that I was needing someone to restore my faith in love.
My journey didn’t instantly change for the better though, I still had work to do. It wasn’t until recently when I realized that I still lacked confidence.
Even though my husband tells me every day that I am beautiful no matter what and always pushes me to believe in myself, I still needed to heal and do the inner work myself.
The truth is, until you realize your worth and start loving yourself, you will never have the love you truly want. When you have been hurt in the past it can be so hard to love yourself, but doing the inner work will help you manifest the love you desire.
When you start noticing toxic patterns in your relationships you need to figure out where this is stemming from and start healing.
You deserve a relationship that is everything you desire in a partner. Your soulmate is out there, but in order to find that person you need to let go of the relationships that are hurting you.
Let go of those relationships that mirror your low self-worth. You don’t need to be unhappy or treated poorly in a relationship. You deserve more than that.
Don’t get me wrong, there are relationships that are good for you and can always be improved because no relationship is perfect, but emotional or physical abuse should never be tolerated.
Let go of the past
Another tip I try to tell people is that it’s really important to not make issues of past relationships, issues of your current relationships. This is really hard to do which is why healing is so important.
If you’ve been cheated on in the past, then you may go into your next relationship with the fear of being cheated on, or you may have trust issues.
This is Understandable, however this can really affect the way your new relationship plays out.
It’s so important to heal from your past relationships because those aren’t your current relationships and it’s unfair to come into your new relationship with the mindset of “this person might cheat on me so I need to stay guarded.”
It’s so important to show up in your relationship as the most authentic version of you because you deserve that and your partner needs to get to know the real you. It makes for a strong partnership. There’s no secrets and no hiding.
This is why the beauty of self-love is so damn special. The way I see it is, I don’t need a man because I got me and i love me, but having a partner who loves me, is supportive and is always there for me is also such a beautiful emotion to experience.
At the end of the day I will always have myself and that’s the best kind of love, just knowing I love myself, I have my back, and I know the love I deserve. I have apologized to my inner child and my past self for not seeing her worth at the time, for not loving her enough to see that she deserved so much better. As I forgive myself, I step forward into this new version of me. A strong, confident me and I love me.
I was so emotionally detached for the longest time, even in my current relationship because I allowed my past relationships to stand in my way. Taking the time to heal and love myself has allowed me to slowly become more nurturing, more emotionally giving with my partner, and to become more confident with who I am so that I can show up in my relationship being the person who knows what love I want and deserve. In return that’s what is manifested. It also allows me to give my partner the love he deserves too.
Let go of lack mindsets
Lastly I want to say this,
I find that often times we say things like
“I’ll be happy when I find my partner.”
“I’ll be happy when I get married”
“I’ll be happy when my partner does this or my partner does that.”
This is a lack mindset that is keeping you from manifesting the love you desire. This only states that you aren’t happy which is a low vibrational energy. This blocks you from getting your manifestations.
If you want to manifest a dream relationship or a stronger relationship with your current partner then you need to let go of the lack mindsets.
Be happy with who you are and where you are, unless you are in a toxic relationship, then you need to notice that and leave.
When you are manifesting you have to believe you have that relationship you want already and you can’t do that by saying things like “I’ll be happy when…”
Be grateful for where you are now and who you are as you manifest where you want to be. Continue to show up every day as the person who is living out that dream relationship already.
Don’t allow yourself to settle for less than you deserve, do things every day that attracts that relationship into your life. Take the time to vision and feel that relationship you want. What does that relationship look and feel like? Really allow yourself to visualize and feel it. Keep your vibration high and continue to heal as you learn how to love yourself more everyday.
That relationship will be yours before you know it.