How My Spiritual Journey Helped Me Change Toxic Habits

Today I am talking all about my spiritual journey and how it helped me change my bad habits. If you are someone who struggles with changing habits that you know are bad for you, then this podcast episode and blog post might help you!

If you’d rather listen to the episode:

How to change your toxic habits

How My Spiritual Journey Helped Me Change My Bad Habits

I recently went on a spiritual journey and I mean full on hermit mode. It has been a pretty difficult journey, but it’s also been a rewarding one. Through this journey my life did a complete flip and my passions completely changed.

Before My Spiritual Awakening

I wanted to take the time to share a bit about my spiritual journey with you and what my podcast is going to be all about moving forward. I’ll be talking about how I got to this point and how I was able to take myself out of a relatively dark place in my life.

This podcast was previously known as the Boss Girl Bloggers podcast and it was dedicated to helping other women pursue their dreams of becoming a full time blogger.

Back in 2017 I actually started my first blog which was called “Ell Duclos”,  (the blog you are currently reading) Ell is my nickname that I gave myself, my real name is actually Lauren for those of you who don’t know and Duclos is my last name.

When I started this blog I had the intentions of writing about motivational topics and just lifestyle topics. I was always big on mindset and personal growth. Quickly into my blogging journey I found myself feeling pretty alone in the process. I didn’t have family or friends who blogged and to be honest I was just craving that connection with like minded individuals.

That’s when I started doing some research and I realized that Facebook groups were a great way to connect with others. Instantly I started searching for some groups and I  joined a few. As I was in these groups I began to use them as a way to ask blog related questions since that’s what I noticed everyone else was doing. I remember one day I asked a question related to blogging, I think it was about self hosting, and this guy answered my question in the most condescending way. I felt like the world’s biggest idiot for asking the question.

This was when I started thinking, “okay you know what, screw it, I’m going to start my own community and create a safe space for women to learn and grow without that fear of judgement.”

So I Did. It became Boss Girl Bloggers.  I’m forever grateful for this community as it was the start of something bigger. Before I knew it the community I created blew up. I grew to over 45,000 members and it was thriving.

As I began to interact in this group with my members I start really diving into self learning all about marketing and how to successfully make money blogging.

One fun fact, when I was younger I was going through this really rough time in my life and begged my mom to be homeschooled. She allowed me to, but it wasn’t the typical home schooling situation, it was online learning. I didn’t have a teacher or parent there to help me and I had to do all of the learning online on my own.

This was pretty difficult to do as a depressed teenager, but it was the start of my self learning, independent phase. I think it helped me become more self-disciplined when it came to teaching myself how to blog successfully.

As I’m going through my blogging journey I decide to share my journey with my  BGB members. I started to really enjoy helping others learn how to start a blog, market it successfully and all that jazz. I noticed my members really appreciated me helping them.

This is where my first shift started.

I went from creating motivational, personal growth content to really focusing on creating marketing content for others and helping others grow a successful blog.

I enjoyed this for a really long time. I created a Pinterest marketing course that took off and within a year I was able to make more money from my blog than any full time job I ever had.

In the midst of all of this I was working a miserable job as a full time server and that job drained my energy. I wanted so badly to quit that job and after 2 years of blogging I was able to finally do so. I haven’t looked back since and I am really grateful for that.

Bad Habits & Toxic Enviornments

Fast forward to the end of 2019, I think this was when my passion for my blog really changed and I found myself living a pretty toxic lifestyle.

I am the type of person who absorbs the energy from the environment around me. If I’m in a toxic environment, I quickly lose myself and that’s exactly what happened. At the time I was renting a smaller home with my boyfriend. We started renting this place in I believe 2016. At first it was great, but quickly it became the last place I wanted to be.

There was little to no natural sunlight, mold began growing in the bathroom, the ceiling was peeling, it was small and Having 4 animals in such a small space became overwhelming.

I remember there was this one day when I walked into the back room to find mold all over my pillows. The house smelt awful and it felt dirty no matter how hard I tried to clean it.

At the time My boyfriend and I were also sharing a car and since i was working from home full time as a blogger and he still had  a job as a server, he would take the car most days. Quickly all I knew was the environment I was living in. I started feeling trapped, lonely, and depressed.

Our landlord was supposed to come often to mow and tend the yard, but often times it took him a while before he did so. We had this one bush that blocked the entire living room window which happened to be the only window that would let natural sun light in. Depression and anxiety took over my body and each day I felt myself feeling worse the more I had to stay in this environment.

Eventually it got to the point where I just didn’t want to clean anymore. I felt hopeless with no motivation. With my anxiety and depression as bad as it was, my desire to create was no longer there. I was creatively blocked.

I started picking up bad habits. Insomnia took over and most nights I didn’t fall asleep until 5 in the morning. Every night I would reach for the wine bottle and smoke weed to try and make myself feel better. I thought this was the only way I could fall asleep. It wasn’t just one glass. That one glass quickly became 2, and that 2nd glass quickly became another and before I knew it I would look in the trash to see the bottles piling up.

For the longest time I refused to acknowledge that I had a problem. I didn’t want to believe that I did. I thought well maybe if I just ignore it, the problem won’t exist.

Fast forward to 2020 and the pandemic hitting, I was now locked up in this house with my boyfriend (he was actually my fiancé at this point) and the great part is that we get along well.

Most would get sick of their partner after being home with them every day for 3 months straight, but I didn’t get sick of him. It was hard at first because we weren’t sure what life would look like for him since being a server wasn’t a favorable job during the pandemic, but it was nice to have someone there to keep me company. I no longer felt as alone in this house that was stealing my peace, but I was still continuing my horrible drinking habits.

My creativity was still non-existent, my anxiety was worse now than ever before, but at this point I had saved up money. I finally had my credit card debt paid off and I had enough money in my bank account for a down payment and closing costs for a house.

I thought to myself, I need to get out of this house.

Taking Initiative To Make A Change

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married in 2020 but then the pandemic hit. We weren’t going to buy a house until after our wedding, but after many emotional nights and breakdowns I could not wait any longer. I needed out of this house.

That’s when I began my house search. As I’m doing my house search I’m stumbling upon articles and videos about spirituality, manifesting, and tarot card readings. I knew about manifesting long before as it was something I did to help me turn my blog into my full time job and quit my waitressing job.

However, tarot and really learning about spirituality was something I never fully dived into. I felt like I was at a place in my life where I needed spirituality more than ever before.

I felt very alone. Although I had friends, my relationship with most of them felt distant to say the least and my best friend lives in Texas while I’m living in Massachusetts.

I thought,  I am already living a life of solitude (at least that’s what it felt), no better time to dive into spirituality than right now.

As I learned more about spirituality, healing, and connecting with my higher self and spirit guides I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Josh and I started putting in offers on homes and they kept getting denied. It was extremely frustrating because the market was so competitive. I remember feeling really defeated as I started to watch a pick a card reading on YouTube. The reading told me that I was about to hear really good news that would make me cry tears of joy.

When I heard this message I got chills and felt emotional.  I started thinking, “alright everything’s going to be okay. It’s going to work out, you will get this house and you will move out of this environment. Your creativity will come back. Don’t give up.”

Sure enough, an offer that we put on a house finally got accepted! Our offer was one of 24 offers. This house was meant for us.

Funny enough, we bought this house during the same time we were supposed to get married in 2020. It was like the universe really worked it’s magic and held off our wedding so that we could buy this house and get out of the toxic environment that was holding me back from my potential.

As I look back, the timing couldn’t have been more divine. I was upset at first thinking we had to push off our wedding, but everything truly happens for a reason. The universe always had a plan. This was when I started to really trust more in the universe and realizing that there is a reason as to why things happen the way they do.

We ended up getting married this passed April.

Being out of that toxic environment and going on my own spiritual journey lead to me healing. I didn’t realize how much inner child healing I still needed to do until I went on my spiritual journey.

As I started healing those parts of me, I began to recognize and finally acknowledge my bad habits. I was finally able to change those toxic patterns and break those repeating cycles. I no longer drank wine or smoked weed every night because I realized that these habits were keeping me in this state of depression and lack of motivation.

My mind, body and soul needed healing. Instead of using these toxic habits to make myself feel better or numb my pain, I replaced those bad habits with positive habits.

I made it an intention to drink water instead of wine. I would even put the water in a wine glass for a little while because that’s how my mind worked. My mind was so dependent on the wine every night.

I made it an intention to wake up every day and journal, to do my own tarot reading daily, and to connect with my spirit guides and higher self.

I made it an intention to start listening and reading more positive and uplifting podcasts, books and videos rather than consuming tv and reality shows every day.

I made it an intention to keep my home tidy and to make sure my space makes me feel good inside. My curtains are always open and I’m letting as much natural sunlight in as possible.

I started to recognize the relationships in my life that were stealing my inner peace and I made it an intention to look at what triggers me so that I could finally heal and move on.

Unhealed trauma can look like, people pleasing, not being able to set boundaries, not prioritizing yourself, trying to fix others, attracting unhealthy relationships that you stay in because you are too afraid to leave, taking your pain out on others, trying to numb your pain with addictions, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, co dependency and so much more.

If you find yourself relating to any of this, then you have some unhealed trauma to address.

The Power Of Healing

It wasn’t until I began healing that I truly found that passion again. Through doing so I realized I outgrew my blog.

At one point I really did love teaching others how to market their blog, but it wasn’t filling my cup up emotionally anymore. It was no longer a passion of mine and when you don’t have that passion, you can’t create the way you want to. I never felt inspired to create anymore.

But what I do find emotionally fulfilling is when I create content that helps others find purpose in life. Content that helps others manifest their dreams and ideas into physical form so they can create their ideal reality. I find it so emotionally fulfilling knowing that I inspired and helped someone make a change in their life for the better.

As I continued my spiritual journey I kept communicating with my spirit guides and higher self. I asked, what is my soul’s purpose? What am I meant to do during this lifetime? That’s when the messages started flooding in.

All the signs pointed to the path of helping others heal by sharing my own personal experiences.

For the longest time I thought “who the hell is going to want to hear my story?” but that right there is a limiting belief that held me back for a long time.

That’s when I started reframing that thought into “alright, someone needs to hear my story, how can I get my story out there so that I can help that someone.” After sitting there with that thought I realized that I was meant to write a book. I always deep down had this soul urge to write a book, but I was so blocked mentally that I never thought I was good enough.

But as I continued to heal, I realized that I am more than good enough. So I started writing. I started sharing my story, the story that is raw and vulnerable. That story shares every powerful moment in my life that lead me to this moment right here.

It’s a story of hardship that lead to strength, overcoming low self-worth and self doubt, self discovery, manifesting, and so much more.

I think it’s important that others out there know that you can come from nothing and make a life for yourself that is so much more. A life that is filled with meaning, where you are living out your wildest dreams without fear. A life that goes against societal norms because sometimes you need to hear that it’s okay if you don’t go to college, it’s okay to not work a typical 9-5 job, it’s okay if you don’t settle down before 30 or if you decide you want to travel the world and enjoy the little things in life, it’s okay if you actually LOVE your job and create for a living and it’s okay if what you vision for yourself isn’t what your parents want for you.

The one thing that matters most during this lifetime is that YOU are doing what makes YOUR SOUL feel good. You need to do more of that. It’s not about what others want for you, no! It’s about what YOU want for yourself!

It’s so hard to put ourselves first, isn’t it? Perhaps you feel like when you do so you are letting others down. This is a limiting belief that stems back to that unhealed trauma.

When you heal those parts of you and you let go of the version of you that you created to protect yourself as a child, you will find that authentic self. Let that self run free!

That’s why I am saying goodbye to the Boss Girl Bloggers podcast and hello to the “Thoughts That Manifest” podcast as I step into this new chapter of my life.

Although I know not everyone will be thrilled about this transition, in fact I already lost a lot of subscribers, but it feels so damn good because I am finally living my life for me. I am finally choosing to do the things that make my soul feel good!

From now on you can look forward to content from me that is related to spirituality, mindset, manifesting, healing, and so much more. I am writing my story and that book release date will be announced in the near future.

I feel confident that this next chapter of my life is going to be the most emotionally fulfilling and I hope that you are sticking around and taking this journey with me.

But if this is where we part ways, I understand.

Just know that if you are ready for some feel-good, soul growth, I am here for you!

Author: ellduclos

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