10 Ways you are Self Sabotaging your Happiness
Today I wanted to talk about a topic that resonates with me… SELF SABOTAGING. This is something I was guilty of and still am at times. What I mean by this is there are ways that we hold ourselves back from pursuing what we want in life. This leads to self sabotage without even realizing. I want to touch base on some of the ways we destroy our own happiness. Throughout the years I learned how to let go of my limiting beliefs and self sabotaging ways. Now I want to teach you to do the same!
1.- Limiting Beliefs
Raise your hand if you have some limiting beliefs! I know I sure did…until I realized these beliefs were holding me back.
When I first graduated high school I had this “idea” that I NEEDED to go to college in order to be successful. That’s what you are supposed to do right? If you don’t go to college you will never be successful… That’s what they told me.
So what did I do? I went to college.
The first year was okay but I was filled with anxiety and no matter how hard I tried, I could not stay focused. I hated it. To be honest, I was never a lover of school anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to learn… but if it’s a topic that I have no interest in (for example history or science) FORGET IT.
About a year and a half into college I made the decision to drop out. YEP. Many of my family members and friends were shocked and kept pushing me to go back. BUT I didn’t. I stood my ground and I didn’t go back. I wanted to prove to them and to myself that I COULD be successful without a college degree.
Not going to lie, the first year after dropping out was hard. I felt like I was going to be a waitress the rest of my life because that’s all I really ever knew. I did go through depression and anxiety. I talk about my struggles here.
BUT one day I had this epiphany. I knew that I had to start living life FOR ME and I had to go after my dreams regardless of any limiting beliefs I had. SO I started my blog and now here I am today… About a year later I was able to work from home through my blog and now I work for myself FULL TIME without that college degree.
I am not saying that college is bad or don’t go to college. WHAT I AM SAYING is society makes it seem like you need to go to college in order to be successful and that’s FALSE. It’s been proven wrong MANY times. If college isn’t what you want, that’s okay. This topic bothers a lot of people but it’s a limiting belief that I let go of.
Once you stop living your life the way others want you to live it, you realize what motivates you and truly makes you happy! Go after that and don’t stop.
Get rid of those limiting beliefs!
What’s a limiting belief you have?
2.- Self Doubt
I think it’s safe to say we are ALL guilty of this. It’s so easy to doubt our abilities. We are only human. I have been working extremely hard on eliminating any self doubt!
I always say,
You don’t need everyone to believe in you. The only person who really needs to believe in you is YOURSELF.
It can be hard getting yourself to truly believe that you are capable of anything you set your mind to, BUT the power of a positive mindset is truly SO important!
The next time you start to think “I don’t think I can do this.” PAUSE and rephrase your thoughts. “If I try, I can DEFINITELY do this!”
I also enjoy positive affirmations. Starting your day off with positive affirmations can be life changing.
Here are some of my favorite affirmations:
- I am strong
- I am capable of anything I set my mind to.
- Today is going to be a GOOD day.
- I am worthy of a life that brings me happiness.
- I am beautiful inside and out.
- There is nothing that will stand in my way.
- I believe in me.
- I choose faith over fear.
- I can have the life I want.
- I will not stress over things I can’t control.
- I attract positivity.
- I am fearless.
- There is nothing I can’t accomplish.
- I am enough.
- I am becoming richer everyday.
- I can and I will do this.
- I love myself completely.
What I love about affirmations is that they tie in with the “Law of Attraction.” If you haven’t heard of the law of attraction, you should definitely read into it! It pretty much says you can attract anything into your life through your mind and believing. Like manifesting! The more you talk to yourself in a positive way, the more you truly begin to believe it. You attract the energy you put out! Whatever you focus on, you will attract into your life.
I started practicing the law of attraction, manifesting, and getting into affirmations at the end of 2018 and it made a HUGE impact in not only my business but in my personal life as well. I began to believe in myself more and I felt like I truly could accomplish ANYTHING I wanted to. I even saw growth in all areas of my life.
Your mind is powerful and it is SO important to keep it positive.
I can’t tell you how many times I let fear get in my way! We all have fears… It’s inevitable! BUT there are certain fears that can be holding us back from our true potential. ESPECIALLY when it comes to going after the life we want.
Before I started my blog and decided to go after happiness, I was held back by countless amounts of fears like:
FEAR OF FAILING – What if I put in all of the time and effort and it amounts to nothing? What if I fail?
BUT – I thought to myself…you only fail if you give up. SO, I went for it and I didn’t give up even when I wanted to. I had to push through that fear and keep going even when it felt like it wasn’t working. Instead of giving up, try a new approach, a different strategy, and change your negative mindset.
FEAR OF JUDGEMENT – This was a HUGE setback for me in the beginning. I was so afraid of people I know personally, finding out about my blog because I used to care SO MUCH about what people thought of me. Did you know that my blog is called EllDuclos because I didn’t want to use my real name… almost like a secret identity.
BUT – I got over that fear and I still remember the first day I shared my blog on my personal Facebook account. I was so nervous. What if they laugh? What if they make fun of me?
Guess what… Some did, BUT a lot of people supported me! Many who I never would have guessed actually supported me! Even though I had people laugh at the time… In the end, WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK. Life is too short to let other people decide your life for you. DO YOU. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. That’s all that matters.
Whatever your fears are, don’t let them hold you back. Some of the BEST things are experienced outside of our comfort zones. Take that leap of faith and trust that the universe has your back! YOU CAN DO IT.
Oh boy do I know excuses all too well! The amount of times I have made excuses for myself…
“I’ll fold the laundry tomorrow…it’s okay.” OR “I’ll start my blog next week, one week won’t hurt.”
BUT GUESS WHAT…the more you push it off, the further away you are from reaching your goal.
I can push off folding laundry all week, but once I finally decide to do it I have created more work for myself than if I decided to just do it right away.
I can push off starting my blog, but if I started it a week before I could have turned it into my full time job even sooner!
You don’t want to look back and regret waiting. There is no better time than NOW. If you want something bad enough you MAKE TIME for it. You don’t make excuses. Stop letting your excuses hold you back.
Related: How to Set and Accomplish your Goals
This one is HUGE because I know for a FACT that we all do this! The biggest way I can self sabotage myself is through comparison. Especially now a days when EVERYTHING is out there on social media. You look through someone’s Instagram and you wish your life was a little bit like there’s.
Or maybe you are a blogger too and can relate to the comparison game through other bloggers. You see their numbers, you wish you had as many followers or blog views as they do. I get it. It’s tough! You see other bloggers doing it full time and you don’t understand why it can’t be you.
Here’s the thing… No one is perfect. You can make yourself look perfect on the outside but behind the scenes everyone’s life has flaws.
One of my favorite quotes:
Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
People get to choose what you see and know about. They will of course pick their BEST photos, and heck do you know how many bloggers out there EXAGGERATE the truth… Don’t believe it all.
Especially when Instagram has become one HUGE fake fest. So many bloggers claim they grew their following over night organically but trust me…it DOES NOT work that way. Fake followers are a REAL thing and it’s polluting Instagram.
Which is why you should NEVER compare your life, your journey, your success to ANYONE else’s. If you want to try and be better than someone else, do yourself a favor and only try to be better than the person you were yesterday.
I stopped focusing on how other’s were living their life and started focusing on how I can better my own life and it is refreshing. The less I focus on how other people are doing it, the more time I have to focus on how I can do it. That’s when BIG THINGS happen.
Sometimes you are self sabotaging yourself simply by surrounding yourself with negative energy. Not only in your own thoughts but what about the people you are surrounding yourself by? Are they lifting you up or are they bringing you down?
It is so EASY to not even realize that some of the most important people in your life can actually be the ones hurting you the most. I am not saying everyone has to support you but if you are surrounded by people who are eating away at your positive light, their negative energy is going to rub off on you.
I try my best to surround myself with goal getters, people who believe in me, and those who support me. You can only grow if you allow yourself to. Having someone in your life who doesn’t believe in you, never supports you, and even talks down to you can have a huge affect on your mental health and growth.
Don’t be afraid to cut the negativity out of your life. Sometimes it’s necessary.
7.- Giving up
Remember how I said you only fail if you give up? WELL, it’s true. If you decide to give up then what was all that hard work for? Nothing.
I have been there, I know the feeling of wanting to throw in the towel and call it quits. It’s not easy to get yourself out of that negative place… BUT I PROMISE YOU, it get’s better. Your hard work will pay off. Sometimes it takes longer than we want it to, which is why I had to really learn how to be patient.
Reasons why you shouldn’t give up:
- Success might be right around the corner
- You could live with regrets
- People are rooting for you
- You want to prove to yourself that you can
- All that hard work would be for nothing
- You only fail if you give up
- The best has yet to come
If you feel like you are wanting to give up right now, let this be a sign to KEEP GOING!
8.- Not giving yourself enough credit
This ties into self doubt. I am a HUGE believer in celebrating all accomplishments, both big and small! It’s okay to be your own cheerleader.
When you fail to recognize just how hard you are working, you tend to self sabotage your happiness. You put in the work, now appreciate yourself and give yourself credit!
YOU DID IT & YOU DESERVE TO RECOGNIZE THAT.
9.- Taking on too much at once
I AM SO GUILTY OF THIS. Sometimes I take on too many projects at once because my creative mind is always racing! I get all of these amazing ideas and I want them all done NOW! But that’s just not realistic. I am only one person!
If you take on too many tasks at once you are setting yourself up for self sabotage!
Remember you are only one person and you can only do so much! Be realistic! You don’t want to stress yourself out by taking on too much.
I have been trying to get more organized this year so I know exactly what I can handle at a given time. It’s okay to slow down your pace. If you are constantly busy you are taking away from your happiness and it can be mentally draining!
Related: How to stay organized & productive
Last but not least, settling is sabotaging your happiness! I see people do this a lot! They are “comfortable” with the life they are living… it’s not what they want but they are making ends meet so they are settling for it.
OR maybe you are in a relationship that isn’t making you happy BUT you don’t want to start over, or you fear being alone so you are settling.
When you settle for anything in life, you are failing to make yourself truly happy.
Here is a real life example that I am dealing with right now.
I am renting a home here in MA… I can afford it but it isn’t making me happy. My home is dark and fails to keep me motivated. My family and friends (besides my best friend) live in MA so moving to another state is a scary thought…HOWEVER the homes here in MA are extremely expensive compared to homes in other states. I have the flexibility to work from where ever I want… Moving is on my mind and finding a home that makes me happy is a goal. I refuse to settle and live in a home here in MA that makes me unhappy.
My family and friends are in MA and my heart will always be in MA but it’s time to make BIG MOVES and find a home that makes me happy. Working from home is HARD when you don’t love your living space. I will always come back to MA and visit my friends and family as much as I can, BUT I need a home that makes me happy.
SO REMEMBER THIS: Don’t settle for ANYTHING in life. Always do what makes YOU happy.
I hope this helps to motivate you to live your BEST life this year because I have a feeling it’s going to be YOUR year! When it comes to making yourself happy it all starts with YOU. Make choices that will bring you happiness. Always keep a positive mindset, and believe you are capable of living a life you deserve.
Until next time,